Eating too much but then a crazy surprise!

I don't know what's happened or who I've been switched with but since December 1st I have lost 2 lbs which mean that all through my birthday and all through Christmas and Boxing Day I have actually managed to lose some weight?? How is that even possible??!! I have eaten literally shit loads of food and chocolate etc...
Anyone have any reasons for this?
Love Sirenne xx

The new me.

Sometimes I wonder what's wrong with me. Why is my brain like how it is? Why do I have OCD thoughts? Why do I feel the need to control my eating. (Whether its restricting or gorging myself.)
Not only that but I spend so much money and I'm basically skint. I just shop and spend and spend and it makes me feel better. Why can't I stop?
Tomorrow will be better, tomorrow I will be a new person.
Thank you for reading.
Sirenne x

'cut-throat' with 1 month to go!

So I'm sitting here at my desk searching for new celeb thinspo. I am supposed to be working but I can't concentrate on anything. I'm so tired because I havent been sleeping well recently. I have been so intent on looking good and feeling better that I have been what I call 'cut throat' with my restricting. a prime example of this is when i'm planning on skipping food until lunch yet I eat a piece of fruit which completely throws me and I and up bingeing on really unhealthy shit. Not good. I'm at 127 i think. Thats a rough guess. I just know that I have 1 month exactly to loose like 7lbs. Do you think thats do-able? I'm not sure. But I sure as hell am gonna try!
Any links to some good thinso or positive weight loss sites would be amazeballs right about now.
<3

update - modeling & acting

Thank you girls for your support. It's been quite hard for me in the last few weeks but I'm trying to control it as much as I can. Had a lot of stresses last week which wasn't good at all & because of these stresses I ended up eating everything! And I mean everything! I have gained like 4lbs. Not happy. Major restrictions start as of today.

I have a modeling audition to go to next month and I need to remember that every time I go to eat. I don't wanna go and be the fattest one there. That would be mega embarrassing.

Another bit of news for ya... I got the lead girl role in a local pantomime thats goin' on. Got a shit load of lines to learn and a couple of songs *cringe* At least my life will be more focused now.

I can't tell you how sorry I am that I haven't been on here much. I just needed to get my head sorted.

I hope you're all okay!?

Love Sirenne x x

the long awaited update...

I've only just recovered, I would say I'm now running at 95%. Still not quite right but okay enough.
Just before I got ill I managed to get down to 122.8 which is officially a LW for me. However, after about a week of serious bingeing and no purging I fear that I may be back to where I started. I feel SO huge and elephantine.

My moods have been swinging up and down a lot recently too. One day i'll want to do everything and become everyone and start a new business and make money and have perfect control; and the next day I'll just want to be at home, in my bed and I can't be anything because I'm not good/pretty/clever/witty enough. Please tell me i'm not the only one? It doesn't help, i suppose, that i've been all over the place with taking my pill (contraceptive). I'm just so forgetful recently. I'm hoping that it won't matter too much. :-S

I dare not weigh myself... I will have to bite the bullet. I have to know how bad it is so that I can fix the situation.

Love as always,

Sirenne x x

Sick again!

I'm ill again... This is now the 2nd time in two weeks. Whhhyyy? Why is this happening all the time?
I just wanna be well so that I can get back on track and go to the gym. I am worried that I'm slowly gaining weight. I haven't allowed myself to see what I weigh because I just feel heavy and I know that I'll only be disappointed. Last time I weighed, I was 125.8. I really don't ever wanna be above that again (apart from during pregnancy).
I just took so measurements too:
Hips= 33.5
Waist= 25.5
Chest= 31.5
Thigh= 20.0
I think that's good but no where near what I want them to be.
I have nothing to relate to in regards to measurements. I'm eating roughly 1200 cals a day. Hoping that I don't gain but I really need to get better.
Now for some much needed sleep. Night night.

Sirenne x x

125.8... Going down.

I apologise for the lack of posting. I have lost my laptop charger and so I can only get on here on my phone. (not the best for posting or commenting) and I have seen loads that I wanna comment on too! Just thought that I would suck it up and post something using my phone. Its so frustrating because u can guarantee that I will have had to refresh and re-type this a couple of times before it's finalised.

Don't you just love it when someone comments on how slim you look and it makes you feel all good inside, but then your mum tells you that she thinks you've "lost a lot of weight recently" and you're like "damn"? I mean, it's good in one way but i'd rather she hadn't noticed, it's now made me feel very uneasy and self-concsieous. Im thinking that she's gonna be watching what I eat now. Yikes.
I'm currently 125.8 (that weight was taken after work today so maybe not correct) but I still wanna be smaller. I'm planning on going to some modelling auditions in November/December and I realistically wanna be at 120. I'm worried that I'm gonna plateau at 125. :-/

We have a party to go to tomorrow and the theme is black and pink. I will try and get a snap of what I'm wearing to show you gorgeous girls.

Lots of love, Sirenne x x

Food Fear!

Awe I had so many lovely comments on my last post- thank you all so much. It means so much to me that people took the time to comment. <3 every single one of you!

Today was quite a challenging day. I had nothing to eat up until lunchtime and then to my horror it was 'shit food day' at work so the girls had layed out like tonnes of chocolate, cakes and crisps for us all to eat. Luckily I have my lunch half an hour later than everyone else so I managed to eat my orange slowly and then very slowly nibbled on a small gingerbread man until they all disappeared and I could relax. I managed, somehow, to resist the temptation of all the amazing food around me. Then I disappeared to the confines of my car to look at thinspo in my vogue mag.

After work I had arranged to meet the girls for a pizza. Again a tricky situation but I managed to get away with 3 nachos from the sharer nacho starter and 3 slices of veggie pizza. Phew.

All in all quite a good day I think. I ended up at about 1000 calories but considering the fast food I think this is acceptable. I have plans once I get down to my goal weight to do some modelling. But I really need to be a lower weight. I don't think I could stand looking at myself at the moment.

Oooh what do you girls think of this coat from ASOS? I ordered it today but I'm not sure. I guess I'll send it back if I don't like it... ASOS parka coat


How are u girlies doing?

Sirenne x x

"Have you lost weight?"

Yesterday I had a pretty good day. Ended up having 332 calories yesterday which more or less made up for my awful Sunday. Not to dwell on it but it involved a lot of Ben & Jerry's ice cream. :-/

I exercised a lot yesterday too so I can only hope that it will be enough. I weighed after I got home from work (6pm) and I was 128lbs. I'm thinking that some of that weight will be water weight and some left over from lunch too. I will be weighing, hopefully, first thing in the morning so I will know for definite then.

I forgot to tell you all...

When I was rather drunk on Saturday night, we were saying goodbye to a few friends and my male friend picks me up as we hug goodbye. He then puts me down and comments rather seriously on how little I weigh and how i'm really skinny. I didn't believe him but it's nice that someone has noticed my recent 10lbs weight-loss. I was so happy inside! I wanted to jump up and down!

So thats it i think, thank you for all of your lovely comments! you guys are really keeping me going!

Please let me know of any blogs you recommend me reading, i am running short.

Love ya all, Sirenne x x

Saturday Night Outfit

This is the dress that I went out in last night. Sorry about the poor quality of photo. I literally snapped the pic before i had to leave. I love this dress, I bought it from topshop and i always get great compliments while wearing it.

Going out... Probably going to be consuming a lot of alcohol which I worked out was about 650-700 calories.

Group diets?

Any group diets or similar going on at the moment?

I need some motivation.

It doesn't hurt me, you wanna feel, how it feels?

Woke, entered the room where my scales are kept. Switched them to 'pounds' and stepped on.
As you all know, I was hoping for a lower number than yesterday. I felt light yesterday and I can always seem to tell if I'm gonna lose or not. Today I felt heavier and I knew deep down I wasn't going to be a lower number. I stepped on and looked... 127.4
Yess!
Now the heat is on... I'm going out tomorrow night and want to look my best. I'm hoping just a little more weight lost by tomorrow!!

Sirenne x x

Measurements (as promised)

(measurements in inches)

Waist: 26
Hips: 34
Bust: 32.5
Thigh: 19.5
Arms: 9.5

Thursday's Thinspiration

romance and diets - 128!

Photo of me last year. I was about 128lbs then too.

Woke up today and got on the scales 128.4 thank goodness. When I weighed yesterday I was at 129 and so because of the disappointment I had to fight a binge day off with my bare hands. I only just scraped by.
I had two glasses of wine last night with my dinner that my bf had cooked for me. It was lovely. After work, he went to the shop and bought the ingredients to make his tortellini, mushroom and white sauce meal. He then cooked for me and gave me wine. It was so romantic. His brother & his girlfriend came in and ordered pizza. I've never heard two people order so much food, they ordered enough for 5 people. Including cookie dough and ice cream, they offered me some but I declined. I felt strong for resisting. My head was like yes yes yes yes.

I have been really good recently and haven't binged in so long and i'm noticing the difference. My stomach is getting flatter and I feel better in myself; fitter. I never normally get past 2 weeks without a binge. Fingers crossed I can keep it going. I know that if i'm hungry it's just my brain trying to trick me into eating. I only need a minimal amount. I can do this. I can only hope for a lower number tomorrow.
Been to the gym today also. Managed to do some training though I found it very hard. I upped my game on the treadmill and I'm exhausted now. I will take measurements tonight and post them on here.

I was thinking about doing a group diet thing, does anyone know of one that is accepting new people?

Sirenne x x

Cooker & Baker

I'm staying over at my boyfriend's house for three days. Ima gonna put on some serious poundage methinks. :-( he always cooks such delicious things and I can't refuse because he is wanting to make me happy. He is a great cook. He cooks good food, I bake nice treats. (well not so much any more- too much temptation.)

I'm starting to seriously crave chocolate and things I wouldn't normally want to eat.

Sirenne x x

subtle tan... not streaky! :)

Okay, maybe the teenist bit streaky on my ankle/foot but i wasn't really going for that area. (I can wear socks because its cold here!) Im quite pleased with the result myself. :)

Not streaky legs! Bronzed a little... you can imagine how white they were to begin with.

Other points this morning include:

My stomach which is painful but not as bad as I thought. :) Maybe I will go for a short run later.

A terrible dream that I had. It made me feel sad and want cuddles.

Oh and may have hit 128.8 today!!! I'm quite excited by this! Thats 58.4 kg! :D

Putting that into perspective that means I've lost about 10 pounds in 4 months. :)
Happyhappyhappyhappyhappy.

Love Sirenne

x x

Pilates & Fake Tan

Don't worry I didn't do both at the same time... :P
No, I decided to try out the pilates class at my gym today. - Spur of the moment thing because they had 10 spaces available. On the website it gave me the time: 7:30pm-8:30pm. I saw it was for 'ALL' abilities and decided "what the heck". (Just to be clear, I have never done pilates in my life. I do a lot of gym and have done a lot of complex yoga before but never pilates.) I walked in and they were laying out mats etc. I spotted a colleague from work and went over to say hi. After greeting me she looked at me for a second then said, "You know this is an advanced class don't you?"
Seriously!?
Okay so the website had lied... and it was harrrrdd! I have never done this before. Ever. I very nearly left but my stomach was getting such a good work out, (a hard work out- ouch!) that I decided to stay. I managed it... just and I really enjoyed it too. After the class I spoke to the instructor and she told me that the beginner class was on a Tuesday night at 5:30pm. Now thats pretty much the time I leave work which is about 20mins away from the gym so I don't think it's likely I can do that class. Bummer! :(
My stomach hurts! And my arms are gonna freaking ache tomorrow.
On the upside tho. I will be more toned than I was prior to doing the class.
*positive thinking. hummmmmm*

I'm mega jel of my sister's holiday tan so I have fake-tanned my legs.  O.o
My legs are really the only part of me that needs tanning as they never change color. I could sit in the sun all day (and believe me, I have) and they still wouldn't tan. I have formulated a theory that my legs are too white and so they reflect the sun's rays back into the sky although now I'm thinking maybe onto my sister. :P
Its a self-tan mousse and I have used it before to good effect so fingers crossed... (You just know my next post will be titled 'streaks'.)  :-/

Oh yeahh so its the weekend!!
Weigh in tomorrow!! :)

Love Sirenne x x

Oh and I have 7 friends! Yay! :D

I will be writing a long post later on today but for now I am just reading all your blogs and enjoying them very much. I didn't get to weigh this morning so will do that tomorrow when I wake up.
Do u guys weigh? If so, how often, when, how...?
Mine is first thing in the morning, after visiting the bathroom and before I have so much as sipped water.
Took some measurements yesterday:

Height: 174cms

Waist: 68cms

Chest: 83cms

intake record no. 1

Todays intake: 635

Heres to my goal of looking like this:

went for a mile run...

and I am so exhausted now! How am I ever going to be able to do my 1/2 marathon? :'(

I ran and then walked and ran and then walked and then I ended up with a bright red face.

And a red face with bright red hair isn't the best look...

training shocker!

Yikes! I need to so some training! I just realised that in 2 months I have to run a 1/2 marathon for charity but I haven't done any training for weeks. I don't know how I think i'm going to be able to do 13.5 miles when I can barely run 1. All I do is sit on my ass and read or lazy around. How do I get motivation to do it? Do you guys do any sport etc? How do u motivate yourself? Okay so i'm gonna go for jog in a bit... once my nike+ sportsband has charged up. I can't bare to do exercise and not know how far/long/hard I have ran/jogged/walked... (slowly jogged) :P

I will update after my run... That is all.

Love Sirenne
x x

P.S. No that is not all... I have 3 amazing followers! <3

BBQs & Birthday cakes

I'm having a lazy day today. My man & I were invited to his sister's for a family meal which was okay. We had cheese sandwiches which is a big binge trigger for me. Since then I've binged on icing and I'm sure that our family BBQ later on is gonna conclude in my eating wayyy too much. We also have birthday cake. I don't know how I'm gonna be able to lose weight with all this food around me.
I have been so tired today too. I've just slept and slept. Partly, I think this is due to drinking a few glasses of wine last night and also possibly due my man's seemingly insatiable sex drive. (not that i'm complaining too much) he is my everything; my friend, my lover, my dom. I love him.

Thinspiration 4 you...

Blogger Droogs, Welcome!

This is a new blog for me, I did used to have another one but I had to delete it because of various issues but I'm back and its all good. :)

I wanna get all my followers back so please add me, I'm a good blogger and I comment a lot!

Lets get some things down here:

I'm 22, I work full time. I am a Sagittarius which apparently means that I'm honest, generous and hold great vision which I like to believe but then again it also says that I am good with money and can save it well (which is simply not true!)

I enjoy shopping for any occasion. When I'm sad, happy, worried. My boyfriend often compares me to that girl played by Isla Fisher from 'Confessions of a Shopaholic'

When I'm not spending all my money, I love watching films and reading. Before you ask, I did read the 50SoG trilogy and I loved it. (Okay so it wasn't the best written book ever but the characters were great.) I would highly recommend reading 'Bared To You' by Sylvia Day. Its the 1st in a trilogy, it's written very well and the story is lovely too. Just gotta wait until October for the 2nd one. :'(

Another of my great loves is make-up and fashion. I would love love love to be a model however i think my two tattoos will have ruined that for me. (Not that i regret them because I love them so much!)

I stand at nearly 5"9 and weigh 129lbs (today's weight) I have disordered eating which started about 3 years ago. I never eat anything without feeling terrible about it now. Some days I find it too hard to even eat a proper meal. I would like to manage it better because it jumps so bad from one week to the next. I'm going through a stressful time at the moment so I can't always eat properly. I have OCD and anxiety issues too. My OCD is mainly fear of contamination which causes me to over wash my hands and stress about washing etc. I am getting through it but my disordered eating is taking over now, its like my brain is swapping my anxiety problems into concerns and control issues based on my weight instead. Its a compulsion to be skinny and have that control.

I think thats enough to be going on with. Hope you guys are okay and please leave and comments or questions below. Would be nice to get to know you all. xxx