New weight!

Oh what a pleasant surprise when I weighed myself this morning and found out that I was 124.2 lbs (BMI: 18.3) The only problem now is that I have eaten two small squares of fudge and a milk chocolate button along with my daily calories today of 1200. :-/ so will have gained tomorrow.

Is anybody out there?

I'm just wondering if there's anybody out there. I feel a little alienated because I've been off these sites for so long but I'm hoping there's still a friendly face or two.
So it seems I'm back. I was in self-induced recovery for a while but I keep getting drawn back. It's like a big magnet that I can't shake.
Currently weighing in at 125.8 and hoping desperately to lose more by next weekend cos I got a modelling thing. Couldn't stand it if I was the hugest one there.
Anyway, share the love and leave me a comment. Let me know what's been happening all this time?
Love always x

Eating too much but then a crazy surprise!

I don't know what's happened or who I've been switched with but since December 1st I have lost 2 lbs which mean that all through my birthday and all through Christmas and Boxing Day I have actually managed to lose some weight?? How is that even possible??!! I have eaten literally shit loads of food and chocolate etc...
Anyone have any reasons for this?
Love Sirenne xx

The new me.

Sometimes I wonder what's wrong with me. Why is my brain like how it is? Why do I have OCD thoughts? Why do I feel the need to control my eating. (Whether its restricting or gorging myself.)
Not only that but I spend so much money and I'm basically skint. I just shop and spend and spend and it makes me feel better. Why can't I stop?
Tomorrow will be better, tomorrow I will be a new person.
Thank you for reading.
Sirenne x

'cut-throat' with 1 month to go!

So I'm sitting here at my desk searching for new celeb thinspo. I am supposed to be working but I can't concentrate on anything. I'm so tired because I havent been sleeping well recently. I have been so intent on looking good and feeling better that I have been what I call 'cut throat' with my restricting. a prime example of this is when i'm planning on skipping food until lunch yet I eat a piece of fruit which completely throws me and I and up bingeing on really unhealthy shit. Not good. I'm at 127 i think. Thats a rough guess. I just know that I have 1 month exactly to loose like 7lbs. Do you think thats do-able? I'm not sure. But I sure as hell am gonna try!
Any links to some good thinso or positive weight loss sites would be amazeballs right about now.
<3

update - modeling & acting

Thank you girls for your support. It's been quite hard for me in the last few weeks but I'm trying to control it as much as I can. Had a lot of stresses last week which wasn't good at all & because of these stresses I ended up eating everything! And I mean everything! I have gained like 4lbs. Not happy. Major restrictions start as of today.

I have a modeling audition to go to next month and I need to remember that every time I go to eat. I don't wanna go and be the fattest one there. That would be mega embarrassing.

Another bit of news for ya... I got the lead girl role in a local pantomime thats goin' on. Got a shit load of lines to learn and a couple of songs *cringe* At least my life will be more focused now.

I can't tell you how sorry I am that I haven't been on here much. I just needed to get my head sorted.

I hope you're all okay!?

Love Sirenne x x

the long awaited update...

I've only just recovered, I would say I'm now running at 95%. Still not quite right but okay enough.
Just before I got ill I managed to get down to 122.8 which is officially a LW for me. However, after about a week of serious bingeing and no purging I fear that I may be back to where I started. I feel SO huge and elephantine.

My moods have been swinging up and down a lot recently too. One day i'll want to do everything and become everyone and start a new business and make money and have perfect control; and the next day I'll just want to be at home, in my bed and I can't be anything because I'm not good/pretty/clever/witty enough. Please tell me i'm not the only one? It doesn't help, i suppose, that i've been all over the place with taking my pill (contraceptive). I'm just so forgetful recently. I'm hoping that it won't matter too much. :-S

I dare not weigh myself... I will have to bite the bullet. I have to know how bad it is so that I can fix the situation.

Love as always,

Sirenne x x